artaboutthoughtsjournalfun

thoughts

believer
When we first found out we were having a baby, I couldn't believe it. It was something we hoped for, prayed for, wished for, and wanted for a very long time. And because it seemed like it had been such a long time, I had a hard time accepting it was true.

About a week after we took the test, I was still convinced that it was all in my head, that something awful was going to happen. Normally, I am an eternal optimist, but I couldn't shake the feeling. Luckily, that was the night I went to see SARK with my mom.

Mom and I had a long talk all the way into the city about it all. She asked why I couldn't believe that after all my praying, I couldn't accept that God had given me something I wanted so much. She pointed out that I had two ways to think about this: to either be worried and upset and doubtful for another month until my first doctor's visit, or to accept it and relax and maybe even enjoy it. I had no proof that everything was going to be fine; but then again, I had no proof that it wouldn't be fine. Once I saw it in that light, I decided to believe that everything was going to be okay. That's faith.

When we arrived at the place where SARK was giving her talk, we saw about a hundred stickers pasted up around the door. They were name tags, but not the usual name tags; these had qualities on them rather than names. We were encouraged to choose whatever one spoke to you that night, and not to study them too much. I blindly reached forward and put out my hand. This was my actual name tag:

Can you ask for more of a sign than that? (My mom's, by the way, was WISE, which is also true.)

That night, too, SARK had laid out dollar bills on the table with the idea of "giving money away"; she was giving it away, and you could take some or put some down for others, it didn't matter. So my mom picked up a dollar and stuck it in my book, and said it was for the baby's college fund! I could name other signs of synchronicity that came along to encourage me, but from the start, it was my heart that had to decide what my outlook would be. So I decided to believe.

Postscript: One year and a week after Sophie was born, our twins, Peter and Angela, came into our lives. We believe that God has some reason to give us three children in two years. We don't know what it is, but we're enjoying the ride!


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